Monday, July 02, 2012
today is a damn bloody depressing day for a first day at school wth. but ok la to be fair i was pretty efficient at FP stuff, if i may say so myself :p i got my denture design signed, did my mock prep on the stone cast, and did the actual prep in the mouth! (: haha then i tried doing the occlusal record.(pattern resin or any sort of resin for that matter is really not my friend omg. damn bloody hard to manipulate srsly) finally succeeded after damn long but couldn't get it signed by end of the lesson cos i had a lot of excess which i needed to trim off, but not enough time to finish.
then i spent the whole of my lunch time trying to equilibrate my dummy head jaws for crown retest tmr. )): hate equilibrating omg fml. couldn't finish at all even after spending the whole of lunch break. ): and i also realised i'm in a bit of a fix cos after equilibrating this for crown test, my previous occlusion for the surveyed crown shit is now totally lost and completely altered. ): this means that i did my occlusal record for nth today omg, cos since the occlusion changed, for the next FP i need to re-equilibrate my jaws to fit the prev occlusion again (FML srsly) and then REDO the occlusal record cos my occlusion will definitely not be exactly the same as last time and so the old occlusal record is now redundant. gosh. imagine if i fail crown retest.... gotta re-equilibrate again for the NEXT retest. which, this time, is going to screw with my new occlusion for bridge course. damnit omg when will this depressing spiral of equilibration ever end omg )):
and then had clinics today.... i have a nice patient, but the circumstances are not nice at all. i'm not going to elaborate here, but let's just say that professionalism is something that is constantly absent in my cubicle, no thanks at all to me. super cryptic, but if you know what's happening, you'd probably get what i mean. darn. and besides the whole professionalism issue, there's also this issue about lack of time. i feel so damn helpless omg, there's no time to get a proper ideal treatment done at all, doesn't anyone understand omg?! at least such ideal treatment couldn't possibly be rendered here in this sch with the time constraints that we have. and outside treatment is possible la, but at a high monetary cost. i explained all these to patient, and patient made a decision, which i informed the instructor about, but the instructor doesn't seem to get that it's the patient's wishes and sigh, it just makes me looks like i'm a bad clinician and i'm choosing the faster way out of this case, but srsly, i myself would have opted for the longer, better treatment which is what i had been advising the patient to do, but patient really did not want to do it leh srsly. feel so misunderstood.
and it doesn't help with this other person providing "advice" that i had already given damn long ago, and acting as if i did not advice the patient properly at all damnit. because i did! and my conscience is clear, so there. it's just damn bloody irritating omg. always trying to undermine me damnit damnit omg, you're totally driving me up the wall really. professionalism pls! goddamnit.
this post is full of swear words haha oh dear. but i'm really damn angsty omg, damn depressed srsly. WHYY OMG.
why the hell am i getting so worked up over patients omg, i should be worrying about my crown test tmr. ): i guess that's the difference la... patients are real humans after all lol. crown test is just... lol technique work done on a dummy head with screwy jaws that cannot bite down properly. lol.
i just can't bring myself to study for oral surgery paper and perio paper this week. omg it's like i've lost my drive ): i keep thinking abt my unfinished labwork and my clinical treatment plan for all my various patients even when i'm supposed to be studying. i guess if i leave things hanging in the air like that i can't focus well on doing other stuff. ): but then how omg, things are ALWAYS gonna be left hanging in the air for at least some period of time in dental sch omg. )): sigh. hate this inefficiency. ):
oh but anyway, good news of the day, by 5:30 pm (after which i finally had the mood to eat lunch -.- ) i managed to get some form of acceptable occlusion for crown retest tmr. even with the screwy jaw problem lol haha. you stupid metal jaws you'd better bite down properly tmr i tell you omg. ): and i polished my provi shells haha but still need to hollow out tmr. during lunch la i guess. dreams of making use of early morning time at 7:15 tmr has now been destroyed... thanks to internal med dept deciding to have some stupid briefing at freaking 7 am in the morning wth is your problem srsly. now i need to make use of lunch to do work AGAIN. and will prob end up going for crown competency on an empty stomach. omg.
I'M SO STRESSED HELP!!! )))):
today i had such chronic backache after clinics. and still got yelled at for a very minor thing. my life sucks omg. also almost immediately after, i got yelled at, again! for being "lifeless" even at my age. yeah well too bad for me, my back hurts my head hurts i'm damn stressed my toes keep cramping yada yada. no one knows, so no one understands my pains, people think it's fine to just yell at me like that. i srsly don't think it's right to just freaking vent your frustrations on innocent parties like that srsly.
oh wells. then i reached home and toes cramped AGAIN. and i really felt like just crying alr. omg. crazy right. crying over a toe cramp. but it's not just that omg, it's everything else that just comes at one go, all in one day. :O it's too much really. i really think i'm slightly crazy or maybe clinically depressed or sth. srsly, no normal person would just feel like crying at random times of the day for no reason/for the slightest tiniest reason. i think maybe one day i will go check myself out or sth lol. when i have time la. this cannot go on omg, one day i will have a mental breakdown. ):
ok now i've gotten all the shit off my chest, i can prob try to focus on studying for perio now. ):
